8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
