it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He kissed a someone with a penis
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
