whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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