I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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