I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's blow job season.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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