We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
