rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
