No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
