Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
