just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We left the knife in your bed.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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