No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
