I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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