I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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