I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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