i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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