She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I forgot wine drunk hurts
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
