Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
