i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
