Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
