BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
