I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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