take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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