haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I know her cup size but not her name....
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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