I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
