so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
