all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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