My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
