Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I intend to get homeless drunk
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
