dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
