she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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