It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
