apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
