saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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