This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
