Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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