sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
