he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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