My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
