That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
