you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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