there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
