I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
