too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
