Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
