i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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