just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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