Soap is not a condiment
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
