Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
