So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
