So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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