your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
